A start...and untitled

[Ape]

Ok, so i can't even seem to finish a poem anymore without deleting it. But i got really far on this one (which isn't very far) and figured i'd post it before i deleted it. I think my stuff really sucks lately. I can't write for shit. So i was wondering what you thought. Should i go back to my older/simpler stuff, or keep it more complicated like this? (i don't know how many of you saw my earlier stuff, but you can find it on The Clave)




Rustic worlds of long past days
baneful in a darker age
blackened skies beget my rage
forever black is my cold heart

Where we were once perfect spawns
precise and graceful, symmetrical swans
to the one who names us pawns
may your hatred soon depart

This is where the seasons blend
scars remain and wounds won't mend
in this world where we pretend
constructive thoughts are torn apart

[piñata]

I don't know what the bloody hell you're talking about, Ape. That was excellent... if that's your idea of "sucking", you have WAY too much talent.

[Ape]

I really don't think its that great. Usually when i read other's poems it seems so powerfull and moving, while mine are just...bleh. Not to mention i can never get a decent ending.

[AnimaStone]

Try writing something other than a strict 4-line stanza poem. For you, I'd recommend something based more on rhythm than rhyme; maybe look into pantoums, also. You definitely have a lot of talent, but I think you're trying to funnel it into too small of a space.

[Ape]

Yea, i've tried doing different stuff, i'm just more comfortable with this. I can try some new stuff again...or maybe find some of my older stuff if you wanna check it out, but i think the 4-stansa stuff just kinda comes out easier.

As i've said on The Clave, i really don't put much thought in my poems, i just kinda let them flow out, i just have a few thoughts and they come out in a poetic form. I dunno, i've tried putting thought into it...but meh, its easier this way.

[AnimaStone]

---->Pantoums are actually less writing. The only real thought you put into them is how to arrange it.