Post by Fea on Mar 2, 2005 6:34:15 GMT -5
* this is a monolouge i wrote...See what you think.*
Bella is a young woman who attends college. She is seen as being tough and unapproachable, but she is really very sensitive. She is sat in her room alone staring in to a mirror, while sipping a warm drink.
Who am I?
Pause
I can’t decide. It’s getting harder to differentiate between who I am and who I want to be. Are what you aspire to be? That’s all fine if you know already. But what if you don’t? Where does that leave you? Does it make you a none person? After all I know what it feels like to not exist, to have no control over your life. College was irritating today. The kind of irritating that makes it hard to breath and makes all my joints itch from the inside. When I get that way there’s nothing I can do. I’ve probably missed loads today.
Pause
Sometimes I feel paranoid, questioning every thing and everyone a round me. I worry about hidden meanings and things that only could have said. Where is he? What’s he doing? Is he thinking of me just like I’m thinking of him? I feel alone. I never used to, not when I was with him, and even when I wasn’t I found comfort in the fact we could both look up where ever we were and se the same sky. I still look. Even now.
Bella looks to her left at the picture
Of herself and a man.
Before I used to wish for real love, the kind of love that never dies, but lives for two people. I never thought I would have to wish for a love that would never leave me. I often wonder if I am worthy of that kind of love. I know it’s real, but is it for me or is it just reserved for them me who I want to be. I really love Jimmy.
Pause, one single tear falls down her
Cheek just long enough for the audience
To see then she wipes it away.
What if you don’t like what you see in the mirror? You can’t change it, you’re stuck with it. There’s so much pressure around to be the kind of beautiful you see in the magazines. Perfect models with their Barbie doll figures and complexions. I know they laugh at me with their perfect teeth and breathtaking smiles. It’s so hard to stay true to your self. I mean all girls your age want the same things, and if you don’t.
Pause
Well all girls your age want the same things. Don’t they?
Pause
Have you ever wondered what happens to all those unspoken thoughts? Where do they all go? Is a scream still a scream if you swallow it? Does it echo in your heart where only you can hear it? Maybe you’re calling to your self to be saved. But from what? What about all those things you have said but no one has heard? Do they linger in the atmosphere waiting to be recognised, understood, or do they just disappear on a wind of rejection.
sips from mug
Sometimes I get so angry. Fire rushes through my veins, rising out of me like hot lava from a volcano. Sometimes there is nothing I can do, the rage is too strong. Others I have to sit in silence, trying to hush those violent voices. Willing the demons back to sleep. I can remember when Dan tried to force him self on me. The brake up had been relatively pleasant. He cheated on me. I know then I couldn’t stay with him after that but it did not change the fact I liked his company. Jimmy got so mad. I have never witnessed violence like it. Jimmy, being who he was, doing what he did but Dan in hospital for toe month. All Jimmy said was he should be glad he was not dead. He must have been. I haven’t seen him since.
Pause
Jimmy used to like my eyes, he said they were intense. He told me he loved the way I could look at him with so much love knowing every thing about him, every thing he had done. I forgave him so much. Because I loved him. I forgave all the lies and the evil crimes from his past and even the ones he hadn’t committed yet. If he came back I would probably look at him and forget all the hurt, pain and anger. He would take me in to his arms again and I would be his.
Pause
But that’s not going to happen. Maybe it was a mistake. But being best friends, me and Stacey had to have revenge. At first it all seemed perfect. Me and Stacey being best friends going out with Jimmy and Ray who were best friends. We could double date or go out on own and not feel guilty about leaving the other. Stacey Truly thought she had found her prince charming in Ray so much so she wanted the first time to be special. Only Ray just could not wait. Pick told us it would all end in tears but we did not listen, Pick was the one we would call in our hour of need. I could call him from the back end of nowhere in the middle of the night and he would come for me. We had known Pick for so long it seemed like forever, he became our big brother, our best friend and our most trusted ally. Of course Jimmy and Ray hated him. They were threatened by him. But no matter what Pick was here to stay.
Fade to Bella Painting her toes.
I can not begin to imagine how Stacey felt being held down. He covered her mouth so no one could hear her screams. That one violent act broke her heart. She was completely shattered. She could not believe it; neither could I.I mean you don’t rape the person you love, the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. Maybe that says it all about Ray and how he felt about Stacey. But she genuinely loved him. To some respect I think she always will. That’s when Michael came up with the plan. Michael was the god father that Jimmy and Ray worked for. He was the most evil out of all of the men I have ever met. But he always had a soft spot for Stacey, maybe that’s because she let him protect her and as time passed he became like a father figure to her. He was always different towards me. Perhaps because he thought I could care for myself and that I would fight him all the way. I tried so hard to try and change Stacey’s mind. It would never work. He would find out. Just one false move and that was it. But she was having none of it. She would fake a pregnancy. With or without my help.
Fades to Bella sitting in a bath room
Holding a home pregnancy test.
It’s all relatively simple, just pee on the stick and wait. How hard can that be? Three minutes has never lasted that long before. Why should things change now? Who am I trying to kid? This is going to take forever. It was so easy to fool Ray; he wanted a son so badly he was willing to believe anything. She was going to take the pregnancy so far and then have a still birth. The baby would be cremated and she would play the part of a grieving mother. Neither Jimmy nor Ray would find out. They had both lied and in doing so deserved be lied to. I could not believe Jimmy kept something so big like the rape from me. He was meant to be in love with me I never wanted to hurt him I just felt so betrayed, like he had chosen Ray over me. Michael bought her a suit to make her look bigger. She would fake morning sickness and crave random things. It was garlic bread. But of course the most important thing was Stacey would pretend to fear Ray and insist on protecting herself and her unborn child. He would play no part in the baby’s life, the child would not know him and he would not know the child. That really upset him. But he deserved it. He did.
Pause
Two minuets left. Parents are really strange creatures. Sometimes there so proud. She’s at college you know, doing her A-levels. We don’t know where she gets the brains form. Others I’m so immature, still a child. How can I still be a child when I could be having a child of my own? What if I am? What am I going to do? A baby deserves two parents, where two adults who love each other should stand there will only be me. What if I’m not enough? Jimmy and I were going to be god parents to Stacey’s phantom baby. As time passed everything became too real, even to Stacey. Ray on the other hand was becoming despite. He begged even going as far as getting on his knees, he pleaded he was so sorry; he would never hurt her or their baby. He ignored her, pretended to be indifferent. Hoping that if he stopped so would she. She didn’t.
Pause
Bella is a young woman who attends college. She is seen as being tough and unapproachable, but she is really very sensitive. She is sat in her room alone staring in to a mirror, while sipping a warm drink.
Who am I?
Pause
I can’t decide. It’s getting harder to differentiate between who I am and who I want to be. Are what you aspire to be? That’s all fine if you know already. But what if you don’t? Where does that leave you? Does it make you a none person? After all I know what it feels like to not exist, to have no control over your life. College was irritating today. The kind of irritating that makes it hard to breath and makes all my joints itch from the inside. When I get that way there’s nothing I can do. I’ve probably missed loads today.
Pause
Sometimes I feel paranoid, questioning every thing and everyone a round me. I worry about hidden meanings and things that only could have said. Where is he? What’s he doing? Is he thinking of me just like I’m thinking of him? I feel alone. I never used to, not when I was with him, and even when I wasn’t I found comfort in the fact we could both look up where ever we were and se the same sky. I still look. Even now.
Bella looks to her left at the picture
Of herself and a man.
Before I used to wish for real love, the kind of love that never dies, but lives for two people. I never thought I would have to wish for a love that would never leave me. I often wonder if I am worthy of that kind of love. I know it’s real, but is it for me or is it just reserved for them me who I want to be. I really love Jimmy.
Pause, one single tear falls down her
Cheek just long enough for the audience
To see then she wipes it away.
What if you don’t like what you see in the mirror? You can’t change it, you’re stuck with it. There’s so much pressure around to be the kind of beautiful you see in the magazines. Perfect models with their Barbie doll figures and complexions. I know they laugh at me with their perfect teeth and breathtaking smiles. It’s so hard to stay true to your self. I mean all girls your age want the same things, and if you don’t.
Pause
Well all girls your age want the same things. Don’t they?
Pause
Have you ever wondered what happens to all those unspoken thoughts? Where do they all go? Is a scream still a scream if you swallow it? Does it echo in your heart where only you can hear it? Maybe you’re calling to your self to be saved. But from what? What about all those things you have said but no one has heard? Do they linger in the atmosphere waiting to be recognised, understood, or do they just disappear on a wind of rejection.
sips from mug
Sometimes I get so angry. Fire rushes through my veins, rising out of me like hot lava from a volcano. Sometimes there is nothing I can do, the rage is too strong. Others I have to sit in silence, trying to hush those violent voices. Willing the demons back to sleep. I can remember when Dan tried to force him self on me. The brake up had been relatively pleasant. He cheated on me. I know then I couldn’t stay with him after that but it did not change the fact I liked his company. Jimmy got so mad. I have never witnessed violence like it. Jimmy, being who he was, doing what he did but Dan in hospital for toe month. All Jimmy said was he should be glad he was not dead. He must have been. I haven’t seen him since.
Pause
Jimmy used to like my eyes, he said they were intense. He told me he loved the way I could look at him with so much love knowing every thing about him, every thing he had done. I forgave him so much. Because I loved him. I forgave all the lies and the evil crimes from his past and even the ones he hadn’t committed yet. If he came back I would probably look at him and forget all the hurt, pain and anger. He would take me in to his arms again and I would be his.
Pause
But that’s not going to happen. Maybe it was a mistake. But being best friends, me and Stacey had to have revenge. At first it all seemed perfect. Me and Stacey being best friends going out with Jimmy and Ray who were best friends. We could double date or go out on own and not feel guilty about leaving the other. Stacey Truly thought she had found her prince charming in Ray so much so she wanted the first time to be special. Only Ray just could not wait. Pick told us it would all end in tears but we did not listen, Pick was the one we would call in our hour of need. I could call him from the back end of nowhere in the middle of the night and he would come for me. We had known Pick for so long it seemed like forever, he became our big brother, our best friend and our most trusted ally. Of course Jimmy and Ray hated him. They were threatened by him. But no matter what Pick was here to stay.
Fade to Bella Painting her toes.
I can not begin to imagine how Stacey felt being held down. He covered her mouth so no one could hear her screams. That one violent act broke her heart. She was completely shattered. She could not believe it; neither could I.I mean you don’t rape the person you love, the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. Maybe that says it all about Ray and how he felt about Stacey. But she genuinely loved him. To some respect I think she always will. That’s when Michael came up with the plan. Michael was the god father that Jimmy and Ray worked for. He was the most evil out of all of the men I have ever met. But he always had a soft spot for Stacey, maybe that’s because she let him protect her and as time passed he became like a father figure to her. He was always different towards me. Perhaps because he thought I could care for myself and that I would fight him all the way. I tried so hard to try and change Stacey’s mind. It would never work. He would find out. Just one false move and that was it. But she was having none of it. She would fake a pregnancy. With or without my help.
Fades to Bella sitting in a bath room
Holding a home pregnancy test.
It’s all relatively simple, just pee on the stick and wait. How hard can that be? Three minutes has never lasted that long before. Why should things change now? Who am I trying to kid? This is going to take forever. It was so easy to fool Ray; he wanted a son so badly he was willing to believe anything. She was going to take the pregnancy so far and then have a still birth. The baby would be cremated and she would play the part of a grieving mother. Neither Jimmy nor Ray would find out. They had both lied and in doing so deserved be lied to. I could not believe Jimmy kept something so big like the rape from me. He was meant to be in love with me I never wanted to hurt him I just felt so betrayed, like he had chosen Ray over me. Michael bought her a suit to make her look bigger. She would fake morning sickness and crave random things. It was garlic bread. But of course the most important thing was Stacey would pretend to fear Ray and insist on protecting herself and her unborn child. He would play no part in the baby’s life, the child would not know him and he would not know the child. That really upset him. But he deserved it. He did.
Pause
Two minuets left. Parents are really strange creatures. Sometimes there so proud. She’s at college you know, doing her A-levels. We don’t know where she gets the brains form. Others I’m so immature, still a child. How can I still be a child when I could be having a child of my own? What if I am? What am I going to do? A baby deserves two parents, where two adults who love each other should stand there will only be me. What if I’m not enough? Jimmy and I were going to be god parents to Stacey’s phantom baby. As time passed everything became too real, even to Stacey. Ray on the other hand was becoming despite. He begged even going as far as getting on his knees, he pleaded he was so sorry; he would never hurt her or their baby. He ignored her, pretended to be indifferent. Hoping that if he stopped so would she. She didn’t.
Pause