The UN-Official Movie Review Thread!

[Ape]

Dec 3, 2008 11:15:04 GMT -5 piñata said:

As for the "It's popular, now it sucks" argument you made in the first half of your post... I can see where you're coming from, but slamming something just because teenage girls like it is pretty narrow-minded.

I agree completely. I think you may have misread my post just a little bit. I agree that you can't just persecute something because it's popular, but that works both ways. You also can't just assume something is good because it's popular either. I mean, the only reason Twilight sold so many books is because teenage girsl turned it into a fasion trend. It didn't sell all those books because it was a great piece of literature...maybe it isn't terrible, but you can't just look at the New York Times Best Seller list and see Twilight and say "Oh look, this must be a really good book because look how many it sold."

This was actually happening with video games recently. The big video game companies were paying reviewers on Gamespot(I think it was) to give their games better reviews. Because people saw the good reviews on Gamespot, they went out and bought the games. Because so many people bought the games, the games were listed very high on EBgames/Gamestop's best selling list. This caused even more people to buy them because they saw them ranked so high on the selling list and thought surely they must be good to sell that much. The problem was, the games were BAD! They were only selling so much because Gamespot was reviewing them so high at the beginning.

The same thing can happen with books. A bunch of teenage girls buy it, it ranks high on some best selling lists. Which causes more to buy it, which continues to put it higher and higher until it hits #1, then a movie is made and even more people buy it and then it stays #1 for a very long time. Again, doesn't mean its bad, but that doesn't automatically make it good either.

[Predator-Fan]

Agreeable......look at the Harry Potter Films. the first two were amazing becasue they followed the book and the plot line completely. After that, the films began to quickly go downhill. And those were New York Times best sellers.

The first couple of years those books were out, they were on the top of the charts for a REALLY long time

[piñata]

Okay, been a long time since this thread's been updated... will throw in my two cents.

Watchmen
3.5 stars
The ending won't satisfy everybody -- it certainly didn't me, though I don't want to give anything away -- but the film is definitely worth seeing. In fact, it's awesome. And Zack Snyder is one of those increasingly rare action directors who actually knows what he's doing with a camera.

Star Trek
2.5 stars
Impressive performances from a talented cast and an excellent story and script can't compensate for J.J. Abram's critical director failure. In fact, considering how ridiculous some of the shots in this film look I'm guessing Abrams didn't direct it himself, but instead handed the camera to a 3-year-old on crystal meth. Still probably worth seeing for the dialogue, story and performances (not to mention Zoe Saldana as Uhura #droolingsmiley#), but wait till it comes on HBO.

Taken
2.5 stars
While it attempts to address the problems with Watchmen's ending by giving us a much more satisfying conclusion, it's an inferior action film because, again, the director has no idea what the fuck he's doing. Could have gotten 4 stars out of me quite easily in the hands of a better filmmaker, and it's still enjoyable enough, but if close-up fight scenes and/or jitter cam constitute a wall banger for you, you should probably stay away.

Earth
****
If you have a second-run theater in your town that's showing this sadly-already-gone movie, run out and see it on the big screen, because it needs to be seen there. Awesomeness.

Obsessed
**
Another 3-year-old on crystal meth shakes the camera around. Hot female leads and a very creepy performance from Ali Larter as a psycho stalker can't elevate the film above its amateurish direction.

Monsters Vs. Aliens
3.5 stars
Okay, I'm just gonna come right out and say it... Ginormica is fucking HOT. But that's not the only reason to see the film. It's a big one (sorry, couldn't resist the pun), but there's also quite a few big laughs and a couple of action sequences that, despite the film's animated status, look better than fight scenes in most live-action films nowadays (in other words, you can actually tell what the fucking hell is going on).

Drag Me To Hell
****
Quite possibly the best movie of the year so far. It's fucking disgusting, especially for a PG-13 film, but it's so worth it. And some of the grossest scenes are downright hilarious, so it kinda makes up for it.

[Ape]

Hancock
***
This movie was alright. Some of the scenes seem forced and aren't that funny as a result. For example, at the beginning Hancock brings a girl back to his place and they try to make funny jokes about a super hero being...'super good' in bed...but it was just kind of ridiculous and didn't work well. The rest of it wasn't bad really, and I still think Will Smith is a great actor, so if you are a fan of him in particular it might appeal to you.

The Dark Knight
****
I don't generally agree with award shows, but Heath Ledger really was awesome as the Joker. The movie was amazing whenever he was on screen. However, it was a little lengthy and there was a very dry patch in the middle where I lost interest for awhile, but overall it really is a great movie. Highly recommended for fans of Batman.


Step Brothers
**
The movie wasn't really that funny. But then again, I rarely find Will Farrell funny. The only reason I liked Anchorman was because of Steve Carell's role as Brick. Fans of Will Farrell may like it...but I just don't find the guy funny. The only movie I've seen of his that I've liked was when he took a more serious role in Stranger Than Fiction.

[piñata]

Stranger Than Fiction was indeed a good movie. And I'm not that big a fan of Will Ferrell either. He's too loud when he tries to do comedy... you can say a funny line at maximum volume, and it completely ruins the effect and makes it unfunny.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
***
Better-directed than most current action films (though still a bit off in a few places), with some good comic relief early on from Ryan Reynolds ("Okay. People are dead."), and later from a character from the X-Men comics that I didn't expect to see at all, The Blob. A bit of a downer ending is understandable on the one hand -- this being a prequel and all -- but is still very un-X-Men-like, and doesn't completely work. It's also weird -- although he is excellent in the role -- seeing Liev Schrieber as Sabertooth after getting used to Tyler Mane in the role in the original X-Men.

The Taking of Pelham 123
2.5 stars
Good psychological interplay between John Travolta and Denzel Washington, who both deliver typically strong performances... however, Tony Scott's direction is quite literally all over the place. There's one scene where he spins the camera completely around the mayor of New York (James Gandolfini, who is also excellent in this movie) multiple times (would you like some Dramamene with your popcorn?), and a car chase toward the end that is nearly impossible to follow. Nominate the actors for Oscars, and the director for a Razzie.

[Ape]

Gran Torino
4 Stars
At first, I really didn't like this movie, because I didn't like Clint Eastwoods acting. His voice was annoying and he just seemed a little stiff. However, the more I watched it, the more I liked him. He's pretty funny, and even as an old man he's a fucking badass. Then I had a problem with the asian actors...unfortunately that one didn't go away. If I'm not mistaken, they are actually actors from somewhere in Asia, this being done to make it seem more legitimate or something, which I agree with and support...but I'm not sure I liked it. I'm sure they are GREAT actors in their native tongue, but if it isn't hard enough to act well in the language you naturally speak, it's significantly harder to act in a foreign language. To grasp the speech patterns and make it sound believable. But it just didn't work well for me. However, this didn't stop me from loving the movie. Great storyline, and I definitely cared for the characters, and that's what's important.



Friday the 13th (the new version released a month or 2 ago)
3.5 Stars
This is a little bit different from the older versions. Don't get me wrong, it's still the mask-wearing Jason slaughtering horny kids at the camp, but they also changed quite a bit. For example, he runs now. None of that walking slow through the dark forest and keeping pace with a panicky young woman with bouncing tits. He actually chases people...which I actually liked. My problem with the new version is he seemed more...human. Like he was just a murderer wearing a hockey mask... Also, they removed (or atleast I didn't notice...) the famous Jason music. There was only 2 sex scenes (actually less than I expected, but it doesn't make much of a difference) but on a positive note, the boobs of the women are bigger than ever before! =P I would say it's above average for most modern day horror movies, fans of the older movies will obviously want to see it and slasher fans should definitely check it out, but it still feels like just another horror film. *shrug*

[piñata]

I absolutely hated the ending of Gran Torino. I never thought I'd say this about a Clint Eastwood character, but... What. A. Fucking. PUSSY.

Didn't see the new Friday the 13th, largely because it lasted about twenty minutes in theaters here... will try to catch it on cable sometime.

[Ape]

But the enormous boobs may be removed by then.

Been seeing a lot of movies lately - Hurray for free movies from the library (and my sister magical purse that seems to generate money spontaneously...)



A Haunting in Connecticut
***
A relatively creepy movies in the beginning that quickly turns into a cliche ghost story you see in every other fucking horror movie made in today's industry. I'm getting sick of this shit. It doesn't even deserve to be elaborated on. It's a good movie if you turn it off 15-20 minutes before the end, otherwise it's a piece of shit.



Saw V
-*
...GOD DAMMIT! Well, these fucktards really went to work on this film. Not only is it a giant piece of garbage, but they actually managed to ruin the PREVIOUS movies. Now THAT takes some talent. What a bunch of dumbasses. The movies were turning to shit to begin with, but they took the last thing that made the movies cool and actually degraded it. It's just getting pathetic now...



Coraline
****
Yea, that's right. Out of these 3 movies, Coraline of all things turns out to be the better movie. I will confess to loving The Nightmare Before Christmas. And I'm not saying this from a lame ass emo "omg i'm so dark and morbid and Jack Skelington is my hero lololol" stand point. I actually used to watch this every year during christmas with my parents. ...that my sound weird, but we all loved it, and while it's unfortunate what has happened to it today with the whole emo crap, I can still admit that I thoroughly enjoy the movie. Coraline is VERY similar in terms of art style and general weirdness. Anyone whose a fan of The Nightmare Before Christmas should definitely see it.

[piñata]

I was talking about pay cable. They won't remove the giant boobs on HBO.

I liked Corpse Bride, but didn't much care for Nightmare Before Christmas. *shrugs*

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
2.5 stars
Horrendously bad camera work in a couple of places, but the film's story is well-told, there are plenty of jokes and most of them are spot-on, and, well... Megan Fox. I don't think I need to elaborate.

Public Enemies
**
Even worse camera work than Transformers. Good acting can't quite save it. Jonny Depp and Stephen Lang might get nominations though.

Torchwood: Children of Earth
****
I know it's technically a TV miniseries, but I want to take this opportunity to proclaim just how awesome it is. Even though it looks like this was Torchwood's swan song, which kinda sucks. Anyway, watch it if your stomach can handle guy-on-guy kissing, because that's really the only thing in it that people might have a problem with.

[Ape]

More library movies. ;D


Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
2.5
I really, really, REALLY wanted to like this movie. I LOVED the first two, they were amazing. But unfortunately, I wasn't as captivated by this one. It's not that the story was bad, at it's core it was pretty solid. But the problem is, having seen the first two, I already knew what was going to happen. The main conflict in the story is Victor against Lucian, and even the epic battle sequence at the end features them fighting...but you KNOW what's going to happen. Also, since the main conflict is between two people are depicted as bad guys in the earlier movies, I found it hard to sympathize and 'side with' Lucian...and instead found myself agreeing (strangely) with Victor...which wasn't supposed to happen. He was pretty badass in this movie, if you ask me. Anyways, there was one other aspect of the plot that really bothered me, but I won't post about it due to spoilers. I will say that some of the special effects for the lycans were TERRIBLE. I can't believe such a huge film couldn't fix them up a bit. They just looked like crap. Still, the movie isn't all bad. Superfans of the trilogy will love it (unless they are like me and know TOO much and thus already know what's going to happen) I think most fans will find something to enjoy. The movie isn't so bad...but I don't think it lives up to the quality of the previous movies.



The Visitation
3
This movie, surprisingly, wasn't so bad. Some cheesyness from time to time, and the ending was perhaps a bit over-the-top...and it has a "Jesus is good and you should go to church" message behind it, but I still enjoyed it well enough. A movie worth seeing for free thanks to the library!



Pathfinder
2.5
What the hell is up with the weather in this? In one scene it's snowing, in the next it's clear, sunny, with not an inch of snow on the ground, and then there is 3 feet of snow and the main character is sledding down a mountain. And then people are walking through an UNFROZEND stream and it starts raining...liek it's spring. It's just crazy. Especially when it starts snowing directly after (on top of multiple inches of previously laid snow) I tried to explain it away and say it was because they were on a mountain, but it's a very thin excuse...because it still doesn't make since when it's snowing/raining/clear in a single location from scene to scene. It seems like a small thing, but I was so distracted by the weird weather patterns that I couldn't focus on the movie, and as a result I didn't enjoy it as much as I could have. Although even without the weird weather there was just a lot of..."silly" things happening. Like how it seems the vikings like to march their armies IN the river instead of beside it. Sure, I get using streams and rivers for navigation...but you don't have to travel IN the damn things...



Leatherheads
4.5
...wow. I did not expect to like this. I was expecting it to be a slapstick comedy about 1920's football, but it's so much more than that. And despite the fact that I'm not normally a fan of this kind of stuff, I found myself strangely addicted to the characters. And there were definitely some very funny moments, and it didn't involve someone getting hit in the head with something.

[piñata]

Hmm. I liked Underworld 3 a lot more than you did, even though I did know what was going to happen I thought they pulled it off well enough.

Planet Terror
***
Robert Rodriguez's contribution to the "Grindhouse" double feature. Good even despite the missing reel, though you've gotta be in the mood for something a bit on the campy side in order to really enjoy it. Still, it's pretty awesome and definitely brings the blood (in fact, I don't believe the human body actually holds that much blood).

Death Proof
***
The other Grindhouse film, this one by Quentin Tarantino. Also awesome, though it's a bit talky at the beginning and the middle also has a prolonged sequence consisting of little else besides dialogue. Still, it's Quentin Tarantino dialogue so it's well worth watching.

I was hoping for more nudity in both films, but alas there was little to be found.

[Predator-Fan]

Has anyone seen 9 yet? I want to see it desperately and I am down on my cash. Also want to see Jennifer's body, that looks pretty badass because its MEGAN FOX for petes sake, dammit!

Ghost Rider
3 and a half stars

Pretty damn good is all I have to say

[Ape]

Personally, I thought the commercials for Jennifer's Body seemed like a poor attempt to market sex. It seemed like the movie would have lots of skin and no substance. I can't say that for sure because I haven't seen it, but that's what it looked like to me. *shrug*

[Predator-Fan]

well, she is possessed by a demon becasue she had been offered up as a virgin sacrifice an' waddya know? she ain't a vigin, so maintain the appearance of being alive, she has to eat people

[piñata]

Sept 22, 2009 18:22:31 GMT -5 Ape said:

Personally, I thought the commercials for Jennifer's Body seemed like a poor attempt to market sex. It seemed like the movie would have lots of skin and no substance. I can't say that for sure because I haven't seen it, but that's what it looked like to me. *shrug*

That's what made it look like a great movie to me, but oh well.

Anyway, I've not seen it yet either.